Perhaps I’ll leave that off of my New Year’s Eve Resolutions List
“First we lived on farms and then we lived in cities. And, now, we’re going to live on the internet.”
– Justin Timberlake’s character in “The Social Network” (I’m not actually sure if Sean Parker said this in real life)
But, is that really the right thing to do?
First of all, I hate resolutions. I prefer slow growth. It sticks. Secondly…
I’ve gone through a process of deleting almost all of my social media accounts at least once in my life. The reason was that the net was way overwhelming… and also pretty dangerous for my emotional and psychological health. The more my accounts have grown, the more interested I became in keeping or flourishing that growth.
Take Instagram for example: Here’s a platform where, up until recently at least, likes were counted on your photos. Let’s set the stage here… you post a photo of yourself. And, you’re then watching how many measurable “things” happen to it (via likes and comments). The more “things” that happen to it, the better the photo is right? The more people on the internet value you…
Wowza… that seems draining. So, today if I post a photo and it gets fewer “things” than yesterday’s, am I less valuable? That’s a really painful thing to think about. Don’t you think?
Instagram isn’t the only social media platform that can be emotionally draining. We can pick apart every single app on your phone that connects you to people.
- Why did they unfriend me?
- Okay, I can see that they opened my snap. Why didn’t they respond?
- They are on messenger, why are they not answering my text?
- Who is unfollowing me on twitter?
At the peak of my social media growth, I had apps that tracked follows and unfollows. I had hashtag apps that told me the best ones to use. I had apps that would watch the growth and best times of day to post on any of my platforms, etc. Now, part of this tracking and education was because I also taught social media classes for quite some time, at both the undergraduate and graduate levels. I still do, occasionally. And, another part of the education was and is because I have clients who I teach how to use social media platforms or I sometimes take over for them.
When I educate people on social media, there’s one thing I keep running into as a constant: fear. Most people who don’t know social media are afraid of it. Why? It’s not the 0s and 1s that make up the graphics on your phone or computer screen right?
It’s people.
People make social media absolutely dangerous and petrifying. If you accidentally posted an unflattering photo to an app that nobody was ever going to be on, would you care? No. It’s the fear that someone is going to see it and potentially do something unsavory with it. Or, maybe not… maybe just see it in general.
So, we’ve come to the conclusion that social media can be scary. It can also be fun. And, we’ve seen that, for sure. Does the fun outweigh the scary? That’s a personal question that only you can answer for yourself. For me, the answer is “no.” Which is why, month after month, I grow out of love with my social media self and more in love with the life I live.
For those of us who did (or still do) attempt to grow our personas, we have to ask ourselves what the potential gain is. There are very few people who actually make money posting on social media. Most in the communities I’m friendly in do get free goods for posting on the web. But, honestly, how much work are you doing for that?
- Makeup
- Hair
- Hiring a photographer
- Photo editing
- Asking brands to work with you
- Posting
- Repeating the process over and over
- Repeat
Glued to our phones, we create content, judge others’ content, and beg the internet for attention. Why? What do we think is going to come of it? I know people with half a million followers who lose their jobs because of their online presence. Or, because they couldn’t maintain that life and their actual life. It’s destroyed relationships, businesses, human beings, and a lot of people I know’s integrity.
All for the hope of getting some free dresses? Makeup? Hats? Is it really worth the rest of the lives we’ve built. Most influencers do not actually have a net financial gain from being an influencer. And, that’s a fact. I’ve known friends who had to sell their personal belongings or receive government aid and their online personas looked like they were rolling in money. Why would we rather LOOK like we’re doing well and struggle than actually address what’s going on in our lives?
If your answer is “No… it’s not worth it,” then my challenge to you is to put down your phone. Really, though, put it down. Start making real connections. They can even be with people you’ve met online. But, go meet someone in person. Put more effort into your work or your relationship or your family. Or, just yourself.
When I looked up from my phone, here’s what I realized:
- I was worth way more than internet followers
- I had a great job I didn’t want to jeopardize with my phone obsession
- The people in my life who were sitting next to me would always know me better than the people on my screen
- There was no small amount of product or money that was going to make the hours I’d spent on my phone worth it.
So, what are a few things I did?
- I started blocking and removing followers
- I unfollowed anyone whose content made me feel less than
- I have spent way less time on my phone. I reserve it for work breaks and a little bit before bed
- I have put way less effort into posting often and more effort into posting quality content
- I have focused on my offline self tremendously, which really necessitates its own post
I’ll continue to make changes in my life that are less involved with social media. And, that frightens me because its an addiction I very much depended on, for a while. But, it also excites me because there’s an entire world that should be explored… and not from the small screen in my hands.
I’ve also been helping my clients conquer the fear of social media. I don’t need them to master it, because that can take years. I need them to be okay with it and fear it less. And, that can happen the minute you realize it’s not as important as what’s going on in the rest of your life.
Look for a follow up article on the relationship between humility and social media followers… in all of us…